Tagged: Heath Bell


The fine, fine specimens of man over at Red State Blue State have devoted plenty of time to Coco Crisp and Barry Zito, probably my two favorite people to follow at Twitter

Who they haven’t mentioned – and who I feel is worthy of some amount of attention – Zito’s teammate in San Francisco, Brian Wilson.

Specifically, I want to address something that has been puzzling me ever since he Tweeted it:
BrianWilson38.JPGNow, Brian Wilson is not some schlub saying this.  This is Mr. Wilson:
Brian Wilson.jpg

Not a small guy.  Could probably bruise a few people up.  But my thoughts immediately turned to people like 275-pounder Bobby Jenks from the White Sox, or Heath Bell of the Padres:
Bobby Jenks.jpg
Heath Bell.jpg
Now, these are not small men like Huston Street or Francisco Rodriguez.  They’re not old men like Mariano Rivera or Trevor Hoffman.  They’re not doughy little lunatics like Jose Valverde or Matt Capps.  They’re not even scrawny, wiry little white trash like Jonathan Papelbon or Kevin Gregg.

They’re two pretty big guys, but solid (well, Jenks is not solid anything, but he’s 275 pounds!)

But then, last night, I watched the Astros and the Dodgers.  And I saw him.  Jonathan Broxton.
Jonathan Broxton.jpg
Ladies and gentlemen, that massive chunk of humanity seated in the red cap is Mr. Broxton.  He stands 6’4″, 290 pounds, and not much of it came from Twinkies.  And the cap?  It’s not a duck hunting cap, friends.  That’s a bona fide Holden Caulfield people-huntin’ cap.  Because Jonathan Broxton eats other human beings.

Not because he likes the taste.  He just does it because he can.

Brian Wilson, I think you’d better be careful.  Because if Broxton could Tweet (he’s physically unable; when he touches a keyboard, the entire computer vaporizes into a puff of anodes and diodes), he might see what you’ve done.  And he might take you up on it.

And like your Beach Boy name sake, you might be calling Rhonda for some help.

[RR15: There is no Rhonda.  I just wanted to force a Beach Boys reference in there.]

Odds and Ends


The Houston Astros are suffering from a string of bad backs.  Kazuo Matsui and Jeff Keppinger, the two primary options at second base, are both out with bad backs, though he was able to pinch-hit yesterday.

Also, Jose Valverde has been suffering from some back woes.

I have a bad back, so I know how awful it can be when it tightens up.  I can’t even imagine playing baseball like that.

So it came as good news when the reports started coming in that guys were starting to feel better.  Matsui said, “I feel fine… I want to start (today).” 

Keppinger, who has ridiculous splits, will be available for the Dodgers series, with lefties Clayton Kershaw, Eric Stults, and Randy Wolf set to pitch.  “I will be ready for the Dodgers,” he said.  “Even if I’m not ready, I’ll be ready.”

This is good, because Cecil Cooper was beginning to sound crazy again.

Rodriguez has played some third base, which gives me an option of
moving Blum around a little bit,” Cooper said. “As funny as it might
sound, Darin Erstad has played a little bit of infield.

“And, heck, I might even have to stick him in some place. He’s lefthanded, but I have to think of someplace.

“Michael Bourn has played second base before and shortstop. Carlos Lee’s a third baseman.

some options. I got some things. If we get to the point we need to, we
can get creative. Jason Michaels told me he played third base one
inning in this place, this ballpark. So we got options. Did I say they
were (good) options? But we got options. ”

Could you imagine this starting lineup trotting out for the Astros?

2B Michael Bourn
CF Darin Erstad
RF Hunter Pence
3B Carlos Lee
1B Geoff Blum
C Ivan Rodriguez
LF Jason Michaels
SS Jason Smith

I would quit.  Seriously, I would quit baseball.

Tweet Me

You should add me on Twitter and get brilliant in-game insight from my twisted mind.  Okay, well that’s not entirely true.  But you should add me anyway.

Heath Bell

I’ve loved Heath Bell ever since he got to the San Diego Padres.  I don’t know why; maybe I like fat guys with facial hair, since I happen to be a fat guy with facial hair.  Maybe it’s because he always reminded me of former Astro, and his teammate in San Diego, Scott Linebrink.

Another fat guy with facial hair.

But anyone who says that he lost 25 pounds in the offseason because the Wii Fit told him was obese is okay in my book.

He recently became, I believe, the first actual player to come out and say what many of us have been saying about ESPN for years:

“I saw ESPN’s promo for tonight’s game. They mention the Mets are
opening Citi Field, they mentioned the starting time, but nowhere did
they mention the Padres. . . .

“I truly believe ESPN only cares about promoting the Red Sox and
Yankees and Mets – and nobody else,” said the closer, a former Met.
“That’s why I like the MLB Network, because they promote everybody. I’m
really turned off by ESPN and ‘Baseball Tonight.’ When Jake Peavy
threw 8 1/3 innings on Saturday, they showed one pitch in the third
inning and that was it. It’s all about the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets.”

ESPN jumped the shark years ago, and in some ways I empathize.  Yankees-Sox is sexy.  The Cubs are an easy team to write about – they have a backstory that lazy journalists only need to recite, and it creates drama.  The Mets, Yankees, and Red Sox are in ESPN’s backyard.  And yes, these teams sell.  They have huge national followings, and casual sports fans care about them.

The network is not a leader in the world of analysis or real sports news, and shouldn’t be counted on as such.  I can’t watch ESPN anymore, at least not for baseball.  This isn’t really news, but good for Heath Bell for stepping up and saying it, anyway.

Salary Caps

No, this isn’t about what you think it’s about.  It’s just a clever title.  Over at The Hardball Times, Craig Calcaterra tells a very cool story (albeit it one with a very sad ending.)  He recently took his son to Lids to allow him to choose his favorite baseball cap, rather than force his own favorite team onto his son.

Now, I appreciate this, as I’m not a huge fan of parents who basically make their kids fans of their own favorite teams.  My dad tried that with Ohio State University, and now I’m about the biggest Michigan fan you’ll meet.

I love the idea of letting your kid pick a team based on their favorite hat (even though the worst possible scenario happened in this case, when his son picked a Chicago Cubs hat), and it got me to wondering: What team would I pick now if I had to do it all over again, knowing nothing about the teams, looking solely at the caps.

Detroit Tigers Cap.JPG

I have to say, looking through a large block of caps, I probably would choose the Detroit Tigers.  I like the classic look, with the old-English style D.  Of course, a big part of how I chose my favorite team was that they had some of my favorite players at the time.  When I was ten, Alan Trammell was one of my favorite players.  So I could easily have become a fan of a 104-58 team in 1984; and then been a fan of a 43-119 team in 2003.

If I was choosing a team now based on my favorite players, though, I wonder who I would pick.  I can’t really say that there’s one team with a chunk of players I like the way I liked Jose Cruz, Kevin Bass, Bill Doran, Terry Puhl, Dickie Thon, Mike Scott, Nolan Ryan, and Jim DeShaies back in 1987.

I certainly like a lot of the current Astros players, but that’s largely because I’m already an Astros fan.  Honestly, I would probably end up choosing – of all teams – the San Francisco Giants.  Tim Lincecum, Rich Aurilia, Randy Johnson, Bengie Molina, Pablo Sandoval, Randy Winn, Matt Cain… these are all players I really like.  I can’t think of another large group of guys I like that much.

So I could have been a fan of the Giants or Tigers.  Fantastic.  I sure can pick ’em.