The fine, fine specimens of man over at Red State Blue State have devoted plenty of time to Coco Crisp and Barry Zito, probably my two favorite people to follow at Twitter

Who they haven’t mentioned – and who I feel is worthy of some amount of attention – Zito’s teammate in San Francisco, Brian Wilson.

Specifically, I want to address something that has been puzzling me ever since he Tweeted it:
BrianWilson38.JPGNow, Brian Wilson is not some schlub saying this.  This is Mr. Wilson:
Brian Wilson.jpg

Not a small guy.  Could probably bruise a few people up.  But my thoughts immediately turned to people like 275-pounder Bobby Jenks from the White Sox, or Heath Bell of the Padres:
Bobby Jenks.jpg
Heath Bell.jpg
Now, these are not small men like Huston Street or Francisco Rodriguez.  They’re not old men like Mariano Rivera or Trevor Hoffman.  They’re not doughy little lunatics like Jose Valverde or Matt Capps.  They’re not even scrawny, wiry little white trash like Jonathan Papelbon or Kevin Gregg.

They’re two pretty big guys, but solid (well, Jenks is not solid anything, but he’s 275 pounds!)

But then, last night, I watched the Astros and the Dodgers.  And I saw him.  Jonathan Broxton.
Jonathan Broxton.jpg
Ladies and gentlemen, that massive chunk of humanity seated in the red cap is Mr. Broxton.  He stands 6’4″, 290 pounds, and not much of it came from Twinkies.  And the cap?  It’s not a duck hunting cap, friends.  That’s a bona fide Holden Caulfield people-huntin’ cap.  Because Jonathan Broxton eats other human beings.

Not because he likes the taste.  He just does it because he can.

Brian Wilson, I think you’d better be careful.  Because if Broxton could Tweet (he’s physically unable; when he touches a keyboard, the entire computer vaporizes into a puff of anodes and diodes), he might see what you’ve done.  And he might take you up on it.

And like your Beach Boy name sake, you might be calling Rhonda for some help.

[RR15: There is no Rhonda.  I just wanted to force a Beach Boys reference in there.]



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s